EXPECTATIONS...

I have realised something, I know why I am why I am now.  It is because I have changed, since I started working towards  my BA (HONS) degree in English Literature.

My focus was once on the film, I used to watch it from a viewers perspective where I would see what they were doing but it didn`t register on the level that I am thinking on now.  I used to see an idea or hear something that I thought was good or useful and then I would expand on it, for whatever idea / script that I was writing.  Now it seems that I am firmly rooted on studying the dialogue and the direction that the movie is going in.  Now I am expecting far TOO MUCH from something that is so simple.  I have changed into a "monster", so to speak.  It now has me looking at movies in a whole new different light and it has changed the way that I approach my writing.  I have lost the `old me`, in terms of creative expression and I have turned into one of these writers who has to follow what they have been told.

And for that, I am pissed off.

___________________

Earlier I submitted my TMA for A210.  I found that assignment to be difficult because it was the way that I perceived the question.

`A reader`s sympathies are invariably influenced by how a story is narrated.`

I could not get into the book (The Color Purple) because of the way that it was written.  It was written in letter form and journal entries, as some of you may know if you have read it.  That was what I found to be difficult.

I tried, God knows I did but I could not get my head around the book and the way that the author wrote it.  It seemed like it was disjointed, that there was simply not follow through with the events that happened.  She told it and that was that, we didn`t get to see what happened after or any other perspective - it was just that Celie character.  I would go back and change what I have written / submitted, but you know what - I can`t be bothered.  I am trying to take this degree thing serious but with TMAs that have no significance in what I am doing / writing, why am I bothering?

I know that every single writer has to start somewhere, that he or she has to learn the tricks of the trade and study the methods that must be used, in order to write a good piece of work but seriously, I am not going to write poetry and I am not going to write something that is structured in a load of letters.  I am a bit annoyed.  I feel that I am once more being distracted from what I should be doing.  I know that my scripts lacked that certain grace about them, that they made no sense whatsoever and that the grammar was piss-poor so to speak, but I need to learn from my mistakes and doing this is something that is distracting me from my work.  I just feel that even though I am learning a lot from these modules, they are keeping me from my writing and I look upon them as yet another unnecessary distraction that is keeping me away from getting out of the life that I hate, and into a better life where I am actually doing something that I love.

Like this.  Blogging.  Granted I haven`t been the best blogger in the world, and I know that I have slumped these past few years but you may have noticed that the quality of my work has improved since I started this degree.  That much I can say but as for the rest, well I wish that I had taken a better course with this and maybe aimed at getting a diploma in Creative Writing.  At least I would be actually taking part in the course now and not waiting for it to start.